Surgery

Today I found out that I will be having surgery next week. I have to say that I am scared. I know that as a Christian I shouldn't be scared, but I am. This will be my third surgery in two years. I know what to expect, mostly. This one is expected to be the worst recovery yet. I won't be allowed to lift my son weeks. I can't take care of him. I will be on bed rest.

I don't do well asking for help. And I have to beg for it right now. I have to get help taking care of my child, feeding my family, caring for my home and even walking to the bathroom. It feels humiliating. I know it shouldn't be. But it does. A dear friend in the church talked to me about asking for help with this. She said that as the Body of Christ its our job to care for others, and its about to be my turn. I  struggle with that. I'm the one at church always volunteering to jump in wherever. But asking for help for me, I don't do well with that.

I am not sure what God is going to teach me through all this. Being willing to let go since people won't take care of things the way I would is definitely a big one. Putting my faith in His plan and timing (something I seem to need to relearn frequently) with the surgery is one I need to work on, especially with not being afraid. And one I am struggling with greatly is working on being humble enough to admit that I need help.

Some Funnies

I know that I have been posting so many deep thoughts in my head, but this post won't be. This week has been rough so right now I am curled up with some coffee and need some funny stuff. So grab your cup of coffe (or whatever you drink) and laugh with me.

Learning from my Son

Welcome to the weekend. Well, almost. Today I was supposed to find a devotion for a Facebook page I admin and I found this one. Childlike But Not Childish by Parenting by Design. It spoke to me because right now Seth is in a phase where he is discovering his independance and pushing his boundaries. Its wearing. I just want him to understand that when I say no its not to hurt his feelings or ruin his fun, its to protect him. Its because I know more than he does and can see a bigger picture. But he has no idea.

I do that with God. I feel that I know what is best, and yet I don't. I question God so much because I see what I see. I wish I could say that I have it all down pat. I want to say that I always totally trust God's plan and have this awesome strong faith. But guess what, I don't!!!

I don't have strong faith, but I do have a God that knows so much better than I do. And I do have an example in trusting in God in how my son trust me. When I give him to someone to hold he trusts that the person mommy gives him to will love him. He trust that the food I give him is ok. In fact, he has no idea that something he eats could be dangerous (a fact he likes to prove over and over). Can I trust my Heavenly Father that much? Can I trust that everything He gives me or doesn't give me is what is right for me? Can I fully trust Him?

Our Mini Weekend Trip to Disney

This weekend we went on a mini vacation with my biological dad and his family He has 2 kids with my stepmom, an awesome 14 year old little bro (that towers way above me) and my sweet 12 year old baby sister. We go to Disney World with them every year around the end of October (some day I will post my Disney world tips). I was super excited this year because we were taking Seth. He went last year but had NO clue what was going on.

In case you don't know, my little guy is totally obsessed with Mickey Mouse. He gets a huge smile and starts
giggling when Mickey Mouse Clubhouse comes on. He had a Mickey birthday party. He sleeps with a stuffed blue Mickey. He loves anything Mickey. So yes, I was super excited to take him to see Mickey. 

We were supposed to go to Disney Saturday and then hang out at the timeshare place with my Dad Sunday, but God had other plans. It rained and was cold (ok Florida cold, but we consider it cold). So we just hung out. Seth played with his Papa. We watched football. In case you don't know, we are a huge college football family. Isaiah (and his whole family) live and breath University of Florida. I am an Auburn fan (though no where near the caliber of my husband and in laws). My baby brother is a HUGE Miami fan. So we had football on most of the day. We relaxed, played ps3 and just had fun. Seth decided to show his uncle what its like to have a baby sneak up and steal food right off your plate. Oh well, its good for him. They are both great with Seth. I love watching them play with him. He adores his aunt and uncle!

Sunday was the big day. We got to go to Disney!! It also happened to be time change day. All those that have had little children let out a collective groan with me. Yes, we were up early. Seth was all off. He wanted supper at about 4:30. Oh well.

The first thing we did was go on a ferry to get there. Seth thought it was so neat. He enjoyed looking out the side of the ferry. His hair is getting so long (he really needs a haircut) that is blowing in the wind. Yes, I laugh at my child sometimes. Then we got into Magic Kingdom and found Mickey right away. It was great

Seth seeing Mickey was the thing about this trip that I was most excited about because I knew he would be excited. At first he saw Mickey and then wasn't sure what to think. He just stared while Mickey was with another family. Then we got up there and Seth got super excited. He just wanted to touch Mickey and kept smiling. We had trouble getting a picture of him looking forward because he wanted to see Mickey. It was everything I hoped it would be.

We went on some rides. There was one ride that I really wanted to take Seth on. I loved Its a Small World as a child and I was excited to take Seth on. He had such a big day that he fell asleep in Isaiah's arms on the line to get on and woke up once we got off. Oh well.

We had a good day. Seth had a good time. He had enough around 5. We went back and packed and came home. It was a fun, very tiring weekend. Seth and I just want to sleep today.

Life is Beautiful

Last night I went to my first ever concert. I got to see Building 429, The Afters, Finding Favour and Hawk Nelson. There was several songs that really touched me, but one that I want to post about is Life is Beautiful by The Afters. Isaiah and I listened to it and stood there listening and hugging. It was a beautiful moment. it has me thinking about all the beautiful moments that I wish I could just bottle up and open when I wanted to relive them. Some of them are the big ones like we think about, wedding, son being born etc. But so many are every day moments that are just sweet and special.

Some of them are: 

• walking in the church on our wedding day and seeing Isaiah see me in my wedding dress for the first time
• holding my son for the first time
• watching the hubster play with my little guy
• eating take out and playing video games with my husband on Friday nights
• watching my little boy look at the lights on the Christmas tree for the first time
• being upset and my husband holding me
• my husband asking me to marry him
• my son digging into his first birthday cake that I worked hard to make him
• teaching AWANA and getting to know the kids in my class
• hearing a lady say that the Premier party is the first time she has had a break and its been refreshing
• my son kissing my cheeks

There are so many, and I can't wait to see what other moments we have.

Acting Like Super Mom

I want this blog to be totally honest. That is something I am dedicated to. I want you to hear my awesome proud mama moments, and my not so proud "how long until his bedtime?" moments. I want you all to know my strengths and weaknesses, because I think when we reveal both is when we can all fully be honest with each other.

I think people, but almost especially mommies, get this idea that they have to always be strong and never show a sign of disappointment, weakness or doubt. Well I'm here to say, I have bad days. I have days where I put Seth down for a nap and go in my room in cry. I have days where I want to tell the world about something new my kid did because I am one proud mama and I think he is a cool little dude. And sometimes, both those things happen in the same day.

I think there is such a stigma that we have to be super mom that we are scared to let any other mom see us struggling or less than what we think super mom should look like. We get into these huge mommy arguments because we desperately need to feel like we are doing something right. If you were to look past all the arguments I would guess you would see a bunch of women scared because they don't want other moms to judge them. We portray ourselves as the perfect mom because we look around at other moms that seem to have it all figured out and have it all together and it makes us feel, well we are messed up. Want to know a secret, they are putting on being a perfect mom just like you are.

So right now, for the record, I am stating that I am not a perfect mom. I don't have it all together. I have a lot of mommy guilt. I know that I don't do things perfectly.I don't feed my child a fruit or vegetable at every meal. When he was teething he had a couple days where he ate graham crackers and cheerios. I don't have  schedule (that was a serious guilt thing for me, I total felt like a failure for that one). I don't read to my son every day. My son watches tv; he loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. My son has eaten McDonalds (I cried that night) I am a terrible housekeeper!

But its ok, or so I try to tell myself. I am a good mom. Seth knows he is loved. He gets told about Jesus every day. He sees mommy and daddy in church several times a week. He has a favorite book that gets ready over and over (and over and over and over and over). He is very social. He is a happy little boy. And honestly, he has no idea that mommy doesn't do all those things.

So there is my honesty. I do things wrong. I have guilt. But I am being honest. I am no super mom. I hope that this honesty allows another mom to realize that its ok to struggle. Its ok to count down the minutes until bed time. Its ok if your kid eats McDonalds. Its ok if you have to take a few minutes to breath, and maybe cry. Its ok mama! What matters is that your child knows they are loved. It matters that they know they are important. I think that it even matters that your child knows you are human. They will be human. They will make mistakes. They need to know that its ok.

So mama, cut yourself some slack. Be honest with other moms. Hug a mom that is having a rough day. And give your child a hug. And stop acting like super mom.

Welcome and Such

Welcome to my blog. I've thought a lot about starting this blog. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I prayed, I talked to friends and I thought some more. And well, here it is. What is this blog going to be about? Well, whatever catches my fancy that day. It won't be just a mommy blog, though you will hear a lot about my little guy Seth and my hubby Isaiah.

I feel so much like I can't do all that a modern mom is "supposed" to do. That is why my blog is titled what it is. I don't got this. I'll talk about my success and victories, and on some days about my failures.

Thankfully, I don't have to have it all together, my God has it. I will talk about what He is showing me. And how I see Him working.

I'll also talk about random things that catch my eye. I love to bake and explore new recipes. You will get some of those. I am a Premier Designs Jeweler. You will hear some about my business. You will hear about my amazing friends. I'm active in the children's ministry at my church, you will hear about that. You will hear about me and who I am beyond just mommy and wife.

Basically this blog is me, which should make for an interesting blog. I can get a little strange sometimes.