Tuesday, November 19, 2013


Today I found out that I will be having surgery next week. I have to say that I am scared. I know that as a Christian I shouldn't be scared, but I am. This will be my third surgery in two years. I know what to expect, mostly. This one is expected to be the worst recovery yet. I won't be allowed to lift my son weeks. I can't take care of him. I will be on bed rest.

I don't do well asking for help. And I have to beg for it right now. I have to get help taking care of my child, feeding my family, caring for my home and even walking to the bathroom. It feels humiliating. I know it shouldn't be. But it does. A dear friend in the church talked to me about asking for help with this. She said that as the Body of Christ its our job to care for others, and its about to be my turn. I  struggle with that. I'm the one at church always volunteering to jump in wherever. But asking for help for me, I don't do well with that.

I am not sure what God is going to teach me through all this. Being willing to let go since people won't take care of things the way I would is definitely a big one. Putting my faith in His plan and timing (something I seem to need to relearn frequently) with the surgery is one I need to work on, especially with not being afraid. And one I am struggling with greatly is working on being humble enough to admit that I need help.

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